Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Gosh.. it seems that everybody is walking down the aisle. My cozen Tya in May, cuz Am in Dec; and now just heard that she, too will be getting married to her fiance; which she has just got to know barely 6 mths. Wow! Frankly, it's not surprising as I've already had that thoughts before when she decided to migrate there in LA. Hopefully, she will keep her wedding vows and have a blessed marriage.
Whatever happened in the past, is a lesson to be taught. We often feel remorse after realising what we've been through. But feeling remorse and regrets never helps to alleviate the scars. We should have been more chary of the risks involved rather than being too impetuous. Well, that's life, isn't it? After all, we're just human.
Personally to me, the only way for me to bury and surpress my feelings is by inscription. But one valuable and significant lesson I've learnt; ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF & don't let others deprave you. And when you're married, that's it! No reservation, darling!
Unrequited Love
Here sitting abandoned and lonely
Mending a broken heart and crying eyes
I sit calmly with deep contemplation
In this isolated world of anticipation
The morning birds song advocates me to fly
Searching a resolution in an adulterous relationship
I could still see him clearly in my mind's eye
Where I deserted him in yesteryear guilt trip
How could I be so foolish pretending to be altruistic
Regardless all the hard times and elation
And for once I was being optimistic
I narrowed down the sense of devotion
I've tried, God know's, I've tried so much
To close my eyes, forget your touch
Instead of shrinking, it just grows
Where will it lead to? Heaven knows
~ Elated
Friday, February 18, 2005
Self-Esteem
Pat yourself on the back if you already knew February is International Boost Self-Esteem Month. The phrase self-esteem is much older than we moderns might expect; as long ago, folks were using self-esteem to refer to "self-respect" or to "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself." Many of us do refer to "self-concifidence" too but latter is much more accurate.
We often lack of this whenever we step into that interview room. Generally, I always come across it the paper as one of the prerequisites while trying to do the job hunting. So, I guess having that as one of the criteria would marginalise among the names. **sigh**
But how does one attain self-esteem? That question still inspires plenty of debate, but I can share this bracing guidance with you from an article I've read. A Scottish historian Thomas Carlyle believed that nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment. I second that. Once we succeed in accomplished a mission, we'll definately in cloud 9, feeling contented. Thus, it automatically makes us believe that we do have a great 'self-esteem'.
Well, guess I've got to start somewhere.
Anyway I'll end with these encouraging words from French philosopher Jean Guitton: "We are all primary numbers, divisible only by ourselves."
Thursday, February 17, 2005
DINIZZAH
The gems of my heart...
Diniah Izzati just turned 2 yrs, 5 mths as at 12 Sept
followed by Izzah Ardini 5 months, on 13 Sept last week.
Getting her control this day couldn't be much harder now. The yelling, the spanking, all that didn't help much either. But as much as I wouldn't want to, I'll definately have to mould her somehow. Of coz, it all ended up with much of explanations and reasoning. I hope she learns her mistakes.
This little pumpkin on the other hand fell for about 4 times already. Especially she had learnt a trick or 2. And I always have to leave my chores now and then as when she cries. Oh well, this is life..
Being a wife, mum and daughter somehow transform me into a new whole ME! Without a strong fundamental marriage, I wouldn't know the meaning of independence. Having to stay on your own irregardless of any circumstances and adding all the bills settlement. No matter how wealthy you are, you're bound to face difficulties now and then. And no matter how happy and loving you are, you're bound to face conflicts with each other. This is marriage reality!!! But it's how you tackle the problems and to preserve it. That will makes a difference.
And without giving births to my kids, I may never get the chance to experience the lifetimes all mother would encounter. Because of that too, I became more rational, thankful and loving towards my mum. Barulah kita tahu betapa besarnya pengorbanan seorang ibu terhadap anak-anaknya. Bukan senang untuk melahirkan, ia adalah perjuangan antara hidup dan mati. Thank you God Almighty, for you had opened up my eyes before I become too ignorant to leave this world. Being a daughter to a caring parents give me the chance to repay their kindness and sacrifices.The addition of 3 new family members really bring joys to them. Especially having the tile of 'datuk' and 'nenek'.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you mum and dad, without you both, I may not have find happiness and achieve what I have today. And at the same time, giving birth to 2 engaging loving grandchildrens to both of you.
~ Merci
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Remorse
I never want it to be this way
But you kept hurting me more
I ask God to keep my faith in you
But it lost while I tried to fight it for
I never thought that I'd lose my mind
That I could be resilient to all this
I never thought of leaving you behind
Would left a profound impact on me
Now the fear of losing and slipping away
Leave me to emptiness
Because of my selfishness impetuous act
Whatever reason to leave that I have had
My heart will always thinking of you
I wish that I did not need you so badly
As you're already unveil a new chapter in your life
To share, to live and treasure
That we once dream......
Monday, February 14, 2005
Hubby celebrated this year valentine's in camp today. Poor him! Left the house early at 6 and will be back tonight. He'll be doing his reservice this whole week in Jalan Bahar.(the place which he always hates!) Thankfully, he didn't forget to wish me while he was there. Reading his mms this morning really lightened up my day.
He wrote:
"Happy Valentine's Day to my dearest beloved wife. May our family be cherished with happiness always. I Love You."
Uuuuhh.. so sweeet!
Well, since I didn't wish you earlier, here's for you. Everybody is looking for something, one thing that makes it complete. And now that we've become a family, I hope that our lives will be filled with wonderful times and happy moments to look up to. Happy Valentine's Day, my love.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Yup, that's lemak cili padi with ikan pari, you're looking at. Decided to cook a simple one since in-law was doing her rounding weekly routine today. Mum called on the last minute thing regarding cozen Am's engagement tonite. It's a pity that we couldn't join in the occassion since in-law was coming. **sigh** Well, whatever it is, wishing him a lasting engagement to hang on to till this Dec.
( Sabarlah, Am tak lama, lagi 10 bulan ajer untuk ditempuhi) So, that makes 2 wedding ceremonies this year followed by cozen Tya's this May.
An interesting topic in Berita Minggu today really captured my attention. Obviously, an eye-opener and beneficial to me. And probably, for those gonna walking that aisle too. RESIPI UNTUK BINA ISTANA KUKUH. Just look at our parents, how they could really preserve their marriage till now. Which for some its been more than 65 years of endeavouring the ups and downs. Personally to me, my parents have been a great examplary. Just how they actually live to their budgets, resilient in handling conflicts and esp, moulding up their childrens. Alhamdulillah, though dad's the only sole breadwinner in the family, our lives are happy and contented. Thanks to mum, who is not a spendthrift. She's a 'no-no' to almost everything which are unnecessary. Basically, she will not buy anything till it's completely not working anymore. Yes, that's MUM. How about our grandparents, who's lives are mostly poor and weak but yet they could hang on for up to 60 over years of marriage? Kerana itulah, sikap sabar, sedia berkorban dan hidup berdasarkan kemampuan adalah antara ciri-ciri penting untuk mengekalkan sebuah rumahtangga.
5 tahun pertama jadi penentu
Well,well,well, look what had I've just read. '...Mahkamah Syariah menunjukkan leteran boleh memudaratkan rumahtangga, khususnya dalam 3 tahun pertama perkahwinan. Daripada perangkaan itu, leteran kelihatan mampu 'memerangkapkan' pasangan untuk bercerai dalam perkahwinan yang berusia 3 tahun ke bawah. LoL! Looks like, I've got to cut down on my nagging, ya.
Hubby: Dengar tu jangan banyak membebel...
Me: Speechless at the same time pinching him.
Hmmm.. I can't promise you but I can try.....
Friday, February 11, 2005
Sunburn
Still feeling the burning sensation on my skin and not to mention the '2 colour tones ' on my face.
Well, its pretty ironic for a person who's literally not a beach lover; only to linger around; enjoying the sea breeze on the serene and lovely coast of Sentosa. Guess, the temperature of 33 degree might have been the factor to it though we are sitting under the shade and especially I didn't swim or submerge in the water for 4 long hours like the daddies did!
Been half a decade that I didn't cross the island since the last time I went with cozen Tya and aunt Leah with families during the HDB Family Day. That was in 2000, which I was still unattached, hahaha.. But not too much changes though, the Siloso Beach still look extremely beautiful only that yesterday, it was enveloped by lot and lots of foreign workers like the Sri Lankan and Bangladesh. Aiyohh!! It was quite exasperate but yet funny. The Serangoon might been a ghost town yesterday
Apart from that, the daddies was intrugued by the sexy 'ang moh' ladies. Hmmm..you know girls in bikinis, could see that they can't take their eyes off them. Like they say, BOYS WILL BE BOYS! The kids got tucked by their daddies in the water and Zaty like all times, couldn't stop crying. Unlike the younger one, Fathin, was profoundly enjoying herself with her daddy hugging tight to her. We, mommies, were buzy preparing the picnic foods and simultaneously looking after the babbies. And of coz, how can we forget the mother's forum..
Unfortunately, the fun that we had didn't end as we expected. One of us had his wallet lost or probably pocketed. The plan that we had for supper at Jalan Kayu was to be cancelled. Poor Amek. Guess too much fun weren't that good, huh? Hopefully, he'll get his wallet back in return.
